Listen Harder
Have you ever been talking to someone and sense that they really aren’t listening to you? The person might be having poor eye contact, nodding their head without a change of expression, or interrupting you, before you have had a chance to complete a thought. Basically, their body language and body cues are telling you they are not interested. They either want this conversation to end, or shift the focus to themselves. At any rate, this is poor form and disrespectful.
Communication is at the forefront of so many of our life’s activities, yet is many times handled incorrectly. Communication is a give and take dynamic, that while seemingly simple in theory, is very difficult for many to execute.
Step one and at the core of positive communication, is the ability to effectively listen. The ability to effectively listen, is one that requires effort! Effectively listening requires a strong engagement by the listener. Listening involves not just your ears, but your eyes as well. Eyes with expression are an essential body cue for effective listening. This tells your communication partner, that you care, you understand and you are engaged in the conversation. What effective listening does not include, is the overuse of your mouth! God gave us two ears and one mouth. Use them in proportion.
To be an effective listener ,requires a certain degree of motivation. To be “in the moment ”not distracted and not impatient requires focused attention. This is a process for listening to what others are saying and what they aren’t saying. The effective listener needs to attend to, understand, receive and interpret what their communication partner is trying to say. Who is the communication partner? Simply put, anyone who you are conversing with. This could be your spouse, family member, co-worker, friend, or even a stranger. The key is to treat each interaction equally, using respect and positive engagement. In addition, an effective listener can respond with verbal and non verbal feedback. We all know what verbal feedback is, but what about non verbal feedback? Some simple conscious efforts to engage non verbally, can be a smile, head nod, raised eyebrow, or even a slight shrug. All can be effective ways to engage in a positive manner, with your communication partner.
As we analyze listening, the act typically occurs at one of four levels:
1.We ignore the person we are conversing with.
2. We pretend to be listening to the person we are conversing with.
3.We selectively listen to the person we are conversing with. We “tune in” and “tune out”
4. We attentively listen to the person we are conversing with. This is an effective and recommended level of listening. Many times people engaged in a conversation, can move from one level to another at any time.
What To Avoid When Engaged In A Conversation:
Prejudging what the speaker is about to say.
Silently “bashing” appearance or delivery.
Thinking what you want to say next.
Interrupting the speaker.
Looking around for someone else to speak to.
Finishing the other persons thoughts
Being distracted by what is happening around you.
Tuning out.
Not giving any verbal, or non verbal feedback.
Poor body language.
Communication is quite possibly the key element to effective living. Trying to “listen harder” can be the first step all of us can try to employ, to start on the path to better communication with all.
